Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to wake up and simply be me.
Not the person someone needs me to be.
Not the wife who needs to take care of things.
Not the mom who needs to help.
Not the daughter who needs to be there.
Not the business owner who needs to have everything together.
Not the friend who needs to listen.
Not the woman who is supposed to keep going because everyone is used to her being strong.
Just me.
I love the people in my life. That’s what makes this so complicated. I want to be there for them. I want to help. I want to be dependable. And there is something beautiful about being needed.
But sometimes being needed by everyone can make you feel like you’re disappearing.
You spend so much time asking, What do they need from me? that you forget to ask, What do I need?
You say yes when you’re tired.
You keep going when your body is telling you it’s had enough.
You feel guilty when you rest because there is always something else that could be done.
And somewhere along the way, you can begin to believe that your value comes from what you do for everyone else.
I’ve spent a lot of my life trying not to disappoint people. Trying to be responsible. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to make everyone happy.
But I’m beginning to understand something:
I can’t be everything everyone expects or needs me to be and still have enough of myself left to actually live my own life.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love my family.
It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring.
It doesn’t mean I’m selfish.
It simply means I’m a person, too.
I have limits.
I have dreams.
I get tired.
I need quiet.
I need rest.
I need things that are mine simply because they bring me joy.
And maybe I don’t need to earn the right to have those things.
I’m learning that sometimes I can say, “I can’t do that today.”
Sometimes someone may be disappointed in me.
Sometimes something may have to wait.
And sometimes I may need to choose myself—not because I love anyone else less, but because I don’t want to lose myself while taking care of everyone else.
I’m still figuring out who I am underneath all the roles I’ve carried for so many years.
Maybe that’s part of this season of my life.
Maybe the question isn’t, “Who does everyone need me to be?”
Maybe it’s finally time to ask:
“God, who did You create me to be?”
Because I don’t believe God created me only to work, serve, fix, clean, provide, accomplish, and keep everyone else happy.
I believe He created me, too.
And I think I’m finally ready to meet her.
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